There is too much to say and nothing to say at the same time concerning the painful state of the world these days. We are on visual and emotional overload. My rants on this blog (and there have been a number of them, with more on the way) are not political rants. I don’t engage in politics on social media either. There are words written far better than I could ever articulate or understand on these subjects, words covering all opinions, words on every side of an argument…..and those arguments tend not to come to any good. My focus here, this week, today, is on finding coping mechanisms and diversions in order to not melt into a puddle of angst. I think a lot of us are trying for that lately. And so I will just keep on with sharing those things, finding salvation in the small, the mundane, the light in that.

The Urban Porch, like everything else around here, is a-clutter with “stuff”. The dying hanging plants have finally been removed and replaced with colorful pots of mums in order to enhance the Autumn vibe. Now the mums are dying too, I’m not sure why. Neglect? Psychic trauma? Multiple pots of almost dead mums adorn the railings, lending an air of the macabre.

Every year at some point during any particular season, people will remark how “this year is different” or “what an unusual/weird year of weather we are having”. It is odd to see lilacs blooming again in October. The poppy leaves in my front yard are poking through the grass. Irises are sending up points again. This has probably happened in years past – we just somehow tend to forget about those years. There is no “normal” anymore, it seems, but perhaps there never really was a “normal” to begin with? The abnormal is the new normal now.

So here it is mid-October in the northeast, and at least where I am, so far there is no significant foliage color happening. Most of the trees are either a dull green, turned brown, or are dropping brown leaves. The pathetically bent little sugar maple that was planted last year in the median has three leaves that are at least coloring up to expectation, contrasting nicely against the sky. I am hoping that the Fall foliage situation in the valley is just on a delay and that it will still occur. We could use some of that glory. It might feel a little bit magical to have a gold and orange Halloween, with a warmish evening and a bright waning moon, if only for a night, wouldn’t it?

On the porch, the hibiscus continues to make a new flower here and there. The light and shadows give O’Keeffe vibes to this bloom.

Speaking of Halloween, I was just planning on putting up the annual creepy ghoul that peeps from behind the porch post. It is small and usually gets twisted around or becomes detached from where it was taped on. That has been the sole decoration for many years. No effort involved.

But then my neighbor, the one who has decided to up his Halloween decorating game (both outside and inside his house; you can peak in his windows and gaze upon an eerie scene) gave me his extra bags of fake spider webs to decorate The Urban Porch ™. At first I was averse to accept them, after reading that birds can become entangled. I let him know that, and so he has them only up against his windows so birds will not fly through them. However, the house across the street has them draped all over their bushes, which has lead both of us to walk by regularly, checking to make sure nothing has gotten trapped. Returning home with the bag, I then decided – against my better judgement – that this will be the year I will finally do something spooky to this house besides adding a pumpkin and the ghoul taped to the porch post. I wrapped some of the web around the bannister and draped some along the windows.

To the webs in the door I added a few plastic spiders that he had also shared, and a giant tarantula, making sure that the webbing was not arranged in any way that could trap a bird.

I went back inside to get the small ghoul out of the attic to add to the scene. It was not ten minutes later that I found a bumble bee stuck in the webbing on the railing. With care I gently worked to free its feet from the clingy web, yet it did not appear to be alive and dropped to the ground. I felt terrible. And then I started crying. There was a clear awareness that I was crying about other things besides the bumblebee – the bee was just the proxy for everything else.

Please don’t send me emails and comments eco-lecturing about the use of faux webs on Halloween. I feel bad enough. I’ve learned a bunch more about them since finding the bumblebee. Even if you use them inside, they are pretty flammable. And they are not biodegradable. After this year there will not be any more webs.

It has been in the 40’s at night and chilly in the morning, so the bees are slowing down and the bumblebees specifically are starting to die. For all I know, that could have been a dead bee that fell off the spirea plant right next to it and stuck to the web, although I am not making any excuses for my faux pas. However, I am finding bumble bees that appear to be frozen in suspended animation all over the place this past week, some of which have been taking naps tucked within the petals of the zinnias, which is kind of sweet; not moving at all until the day warms up a bit and they get the energy to move on.

Yesterday afternoon I found a honey bee taking a rest on a zinnia too. It seemed unable to move. Honey bees go back to their hives to winter over. Hopefully this one would get there before the evening temps dropped too low.

Next to the resting bee were a few geometric zinnia buds that resemble mosaic beads, natures jewels.

Squirrels are busy gathering their stores, running back and forth across the street with bright green, tennis ball-sized black walnut hulls in their mouths. My daughter found this little mouse-let in her neighbor’s yard. Its siblings nearby were all deceased, and there was no mother in sight. Based on my previous sad experience with small rodent rescue (see The Value of a Life -7/19/23) she knew there was not a good outcome for it, gently leaving it under a hydrangea bush. This of course set my emotions all over the place again. Bee. Mouse. Humans.

I don’t want to watch the news, nor watch a heavy movie – nothing that contains violence or loss or corruption. Nothing that has anything happen to an animal or a child. I want to get lost in a fiction book, but do not want to read any novels that contain those components either. The saturation point has been reached. I am looking for even the smallest cracks of light.

Back to the porch; weather permitting, on Halloween I will don my wolf hat and sit outside in a chair next to my new friend Skelly – another addition to this year of doing things differently – handing out candy to whatever little ghosts and ghoulies may come to the door. That, and enjoy the sugar-rush of all that candy (which most likely will be left over and which I will finish off within days). That’s the plan, at least for right now.

~*~