It was a little over a week ago, time approximately 3:30 am, when I was awakened by the sounds of crashing and muffled yelling coming from somewhere downstairs. Actually, in my ever-increasing deafness, I felt, more than heard, what appeared to be (in a suddenly-jerked-from-sleep-hyper-alert state) the movements and thumps of a struggle. The dog was standing at the top of the stairs barking like crazy, as my hand fumbled around the nightstand in search of my hearing aids and the light.

Leaping out of bed, I peered over the bannister to discover all the downstairs lights were turned on and the front door was wide open into the night. I called out for the S.O. (Significant Other) and only heard what sounded like more unintelligible grunting and yelling. My brain was not able to comprehend exactly what was occurring and the only thought going through my head was “Well, it’s actually happened,” in respect to an actual home invasion, while I rapidly scanned the bedroom for something that could be used as a weapon. I remembered there was a baseball bat in the house, but it was downstairs. The only thing within reach happened to be the large, neon green stainless steel water bottle by my bed. It still was half full, which seemed to give it some heft, and it had a good handle at the top that might be useful for swinging at someone’s head, if it came to that.

Whatever was happening was taking place in the dining room. It had not yet crossed my mind that it might be prudent to grab my phone and call 911. I also didn’t remember that I had access to a large, sharp pair of sewing scissors in the next room. I just stood there inert at the top of the stairs, the water bottle dangling (uselessly) from my hand, little Rudi barking frantically, his head pressed against the spindles of the staircase, as we caught glimpses of shadows and movement happening in the dining room below. I saw a leg. An arm. I saw what looked like a broomstick being used as a weapon. I called downstairs, “Are you okay? Are you OKAY? ARE YOU OKAY???“ No response. Deaf as I am, I could clearly hear my heartbeat in my ears.

Finally, an answer. “There is a giant bat flying around the house!!!”

Aha…..and Nope. After taking a quick visual scan around the room to make sure it had not decided to join me upstairs, I took the dog, the water bottle and myself into the bedroom, quickly shut the door and shoved a couple of sweatshirts firmly under the space at the bottom. Then I went as far under the covers as I could and pulled them up over my head. Eventually I went back to sleep (not very soundly) with my hearing aids still left in my ears for the rest of the night.

Don’t get me wrong – I actually like bats, Outside Bats. I just have never done bats in the house very well (see Little Brown Bat -January 20, 2011 for a little history).

I left the S.O. to deal with that drama. He said he had been awakened by it flying through the upstairs rooms, swooping around the hallway and then making sweeping circles around the downstairs. He said it was HUGE. He also has no idea if the bat ever actually vacated the house, because he never saw if it made an exit through the open door.

This leaves me feeling rather uncomfortable. It has been over a week now, and I’m still not totally relaxed about the possibilities.

There are so many crevices, window shades, corners, and spaces where a bat could easily hide. Plus, where did it come in from? The house has been pretty much closed up with the air conditioning on during these sweltering hot days. The chimney to the fireplace (aka The Portal to Hell – May 5, 2012) is blocked off. All I can think is that perhaps when I briefly went into the attic to return a suitcase up there, a lurking bat might have taken the opportunity to slip downstairs? Or maybe it came in the front door when I returned from the last dog walk of the evening? The truth is, it might have come in from anywhere. Who knows, there could be a whole colony of bats living up there!

Did you know that bats can slip through a crevice the size of a dime? That’s 3/8ths of an inch!!! They can come in through a vent, or under a soffit, a space beneath a windowsill or door, or where a pipe or wire enters the building. This house is 125 years old – there must be dime-size openings everywhere! They are so flexible, they just fold up their wings and squeeze that body right on through. That’s an unnerving image.

The only consolations of the whole event:

1. it was only a bat and not an unwelcome human, and

2. I did not call 911. Could you imagine calling the police at 3:30-4am for a break-in and having a few squad cars full of officers arrive, guns drawn, to a bat flying around the house? I imagine they would not have been amused. Or maybe they would have been.

As an odd, rather synchronistic glitch in time……. exactly three years ago to the day there was a bat flying around inside this house (see Things That Land In Your Hair – July 30, 2022). July must be the month of the bat.

In retrospect, it might be prudent to consider some actual form of protection within easy reach, should anything of a more serious consequence than a bat happen to occur in the future. I’ll have to think about what exactly that might possibly be. I’m thinking a water bottle is probably not it. When I reflect on the ridiculous image of me potentially wielding around a neon green water bottle like a badass, I have to laugh. Of note, the rather ineffective broom seems to have made its way to the upstairs hallway and is leaning by the attic door – I guess in anticipation of further surprises.

~*~