It was a few seasons back when one of those universal symbol lights popped up on the dashboard display of my car, warning me of something amiss which required attention. It was the first time I had seen that symbol – what appeared to be the arms of a person rising up out of the water with an exclamation point in the middle, like a drowning man calling for help.

Pulling the car manual out of the glove box, I thumbed through the pages looking for the drowning man icon, and discovered it meant your tire(s) were probably low. Ah, I see. The “water” below is actually tire tread. The “arms” are the sides of the tire. And the exclamation point in the center is alerting you to look into something going on within. I sort of chuckled inwardly as my brain readjusted to the explanation, reflecting on those optical illusion pictures where they ask “What do you see? A vase or two faces? A rabbit or a duck? A women looking into a mirror or a skull?”

A low tire or a drowning man?

Of course, an Earworm of the Day started in my head, although this time it has not been a song but some lines from a poem by British poet Stevie Smith called “Not Waving But Drowning.” The movements of a drowning person out in the water are mistaken for waving by the people on the shore, a metaphor for the measure of inner loneliness and isolation that many of us feel at one time or another which goes unrecognized.

I was much further out than you thought   

And not waving but drowning.

I fished around the overstuffed glove-box looking for a tire gauge and discovered an old feeler gauge for gapping spark plugs – something that (one-upon-a-time) I actually did – changed my own spark plugs, back in the days when I had some chops regarding these things. Those skills (and desire) are long gone, and yet I keep it in the car as a small reminder of who I once was. Do spark plugs even get gapped anymore or do they come pre-gapped? Honestly, I really don’t have any interest in that level of self-sufficiency anymore. And I didn’t feel like squatting down to check the tires with my (then) recently replaced hip either. So the next time I happened to by driving by the service department that has done plenty of costly work on my car, I stopped in and asked them about the light.

Now, I could have just said that the tire warning light was on and could you please check it? But instead, what automatically blurted out of my mouth was “The light with the drowning man came on in my car.” The guy behind the counter walked out and looked. When he turned around, I got the impression he was a bit amused but was trying to hide that amusement, perhaps out of kindness. He told me my tires were low and waved someone over to put air in them. And that was that.

Periodically, maybe once or twice a year, the light will suddenly come on again. Usually it has to do with seasonal temperature changes – the heat of summer, the cold of winter. Add air pressure. Remove air pressure. If I am in the area where I get the car fixed I will stop and ask them to make it go off. Once I was losing air as a tire was damaged and had to have it repaired, so clearly it can be a useful light. I am sure by this point when they see me coming they think “Here comes that dotty old lady with the hair and the dog again,” because each time I still always tell them that he light with the symbol of the drowning man is lit up. Then I watch them try to control themselves from laughing at me, although I am guessing after I am gone they might crack up about it. But the joke is not on me, it is not at my expense. The truth is that I am actually getting enjoyment out of giving them something to laugh about during their work day.

So the light has been on for a few weeks now, those bright yellow waving arms right in front of my face every time I turn the car on. Again, while in the area I stopped off and asked if they could check it.

The atmosphere was unusually quiet inside the service department. It was a hot day. There was nobody available behind the counter. From a distance I could see some guys who were busy, engrossed in their work and not looking particularly happy, although that might be a projection on my part. You don’t really know what is going on in a person’s life or their heart – inside any of us – just by a glance.

It must have been too cold for him his heart gave way

They said.   

There was one young guy standing there leaning against the wall, looking a bit lost. I got the impression perhaps he was a new hire, not able to assist anyone at the counter yet. Maybe he was just learning, or maybe hoping for something to do.

Finally, someone came to the counter. And I did it again, I could not help myself. I told him the light with the waving/drowning man had come on. I could see the looks on their faces as they struggled to hold back their smiles in an attempt to be polite and respectful to this (clueless?) woman…..and honestly, I admit I got a kick out of it again.

They sent the young guy out to attend to my tires. He found one that was very low, earnestly instructed me to watch it (which I will) and sent me on my way. I don’t know if they allow tipping there. I only had a twenty dollar bill on me anyway and wasn’t going to hand that over as a tip (although I wish I could have, just because). But I thanked him profusely and wish this guy all the best. I almost feel like going back with some cookies or something for him – and all of them (also, just because). In the meantime, hopefully this (clueless?!) old lady with the hair and the dog gave them a small moment of levity in their day.

I was much too far out all my life   

And not waving but drowning.

~*~

Stevie Smith, “Not Waving but Drowning”, 1957